Way better than acupuncture!

So last night I go out to grab some Bottlecaps so I can properly enjoy my late night viewing of Miracle. No Bottlecaps at the store. But they do have 3 for $3 going on other movie box candy. Seriously, I saved like thirty cents, who could resist that? So I got some strawberry whoppers, some milkduds, and some Runts. Runts are a decent substitute for Bottlecaps, I feel.


I buy it all, I come home, I internet for a bit, I bed down and start enjoying my movie and the whoppers. I end up eating almost the entire box. Crazy. So I stop and eat some milkduds instead. Not a lot of them, but some. didn't touch the Runts.

I wake up this morning, and man do I need to brush my teeth. You wouldn't believe the intensity with which I needed to brush my teeth. I've also got some sort of cramping going on down in the ol' abdominal area. Not fun. As the day progresses I realize the negative feelings are going away. It felt like sin. I thought maybe eating whoppers was a sin. Then I remembered that they're just really unhealthy, and that's probably why my soul hurt. It just wouldn't go away, I brushed more, I ate healthy food, but I just wanted to give up and slothify myself the rest of the day. Which is pretty much what I did.

But I thought, after a while, upon my past experience with eating candy and watching movies long into the night. It had almost always been bottlecaps. So I try some Runts. And you know what? I felt better! I accidentally ate the entire box in a frightfully short amount of time, but I didn't feel sicker, I felt healthier! My soul was recovering! Soul food! Willy Wonka candy has medicinal properties, how about that! I couldn't keep this amazing find all to myself. It works at least with runts and bottlecaps. I don't know if that falls into western or eastern medicine, but dang it, it should fall somewhere, cause it works!

I just hope that somebody, somewhere out there can benefit from this unpleasantly earned knowledge. I know I will.